..if... [featuring high doses of cheese sticks and bodily functions]
...you've told your dog, "No no, that's yucky!"
...you've ever found a cheese stick wrapper in your shower.
...you've ever kept on an article of clothing while thinking, "There's just a skosh of pee/poop on it, and I wiped it off..."
...somewhere out there, there's a kid or several kids the smell of whose sweat you just adore.
...you've lost all locker-room self-consciousness, and on a related note...
...you've ever taken a shower with a non-paying audience.
...you recently ate a dinner that consisted of Ritz crackers and deli ham.
...you've ever owned a pair of jeans which boasted (1) stretchiness AND (2) a "Comfort No-Gap Waistband."
...you've ever announced to your husband, at the end of a romantic dinner out, "I think I'm all done."
...you've ever brushed your teeth with Boudreaux's Butt Paste.